You're Never Gone

She had been home for hours but hadn't abandoned her spot near the large windows, view overlooking the North End, allowing the dull thudding of her headache to mingle with the jumble of thoughts swimming around in her head. Some were hers, others were Lindsay's, neither were ones she cared to dwell on for long. Nothing still made sense and no amount of digging around seemed to offer any answers. Instead, it led to more questions, more confusion, more pain than she wanted to dwell on. Finding Clark hadn't been something she focused on doing. After all, what good was she if her entire existence revolved solely around finding a man she wasn't all that sure was around, anyway? Sure, Kara had mentioned it but he remained to be seen. While she could kid herself by thinking that it didn't matter if she never found him, she honestly feared what would become of her if he wasn't there? And so, by the window she sat. She longed for the rooftop of the Daily Planet, wind hitting her cheeks as she took in deep breaths of the midwestern air, before lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag. She told herself she'd quit, that this would be the last one, and for a while? She had even started to believe it. But it seemed like her bad habits just followed her along. Even in the comfort of the Boston townhouse and not outdoors in the biting cold, she craved the nicotine. It was a tether to the memories she was wading through.

And then she saw Lex. Rather, she woke up next to Lex. Not nearly as scandalous as it could have been, he seemed just as confused as she was and equally as bothered by the entire situation. Their counterparts had a history, and it was a combination of the two lives that seemed to draw them together. When he had left in a hurry, Lois had been angry, but not because she had been left. No, it was because she hadn't done it first. While Lex was the last person she'd want to align herself with, he was a connection to the life she was so despearte to cling onto. Maybe it was just as well that she keep her distance, though. Without clearly knowing his intentions and past experinces had taught her to never fully trust a Luthor.

One of the dogs pawed at her leg, whimpering for access up onto the couch where she sat. Lunden. Out of the two animals, he had been the one that had taken longer to warm up to Lois. She had always read that animals were keenly aware of acute changes and the beagle's attitude toward to Lois had been filled caution. Walter had been quick to accept the newest facet of his owner's personality, whereas as Lunden had kept his distance, till then. For as much as they picked up on the smallest of changes, her emotions were something that they seemed in tune with. The smaller dog nudged his way onto her lap, his head resting on her thigh and she offered the animal a small smile. Whatever significant changes he felt, he was ignoring them in favor of bringing comfort. Resting a hand on his head, she gave his ears a scratch and let out a sigh. "So, this is our reality, huh?" She wasn't expecting an answer, of course. Lindsay had seeemingly allowed her to take the forefront with little fight and was keeping mostly quiet. However, she could feel the woman almost nod her head. Lois let out another sigh and raked a hand through her hair before placing it back down on the dog and continuing to pet him.

A world where her life didn't revolve around Superman, his secret, or her life being in a constant state of chaos. The idea didn't settle well with her, but she didn't know how to change it, or where to start. "Some intrepid reporter." She muttered and shook her head, gazing out the window once more. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, really. That their bond, whatever it was now, would still be strong enough to make some sort of impact. Dropping her gaze down to her watch, she let out a groan before scooping up the small dog in her arms and standing up, turning her back to the window. Even for being on during the evening, Lindsay's mornings still started early and after the emotion rattling 24 hours she had experienced already, she knew it would be a struggle to get through the next day. Cradling Lunden in her arms, she turned once again to flip the latch, securing the window lock in place. Wherever he was, he wasn't coming and she had to be okay with that. It would be her new normal.